Social ballroom dance etiquette

Here’s a brief guide to ballroom etiquette, for both dance parties and group dance lessons. This is not an exhaustive, all-encompassing list, but a short introduction for those who are new to social dancing.

A Ballroom dance party, in the traditional sense, is an informal gathering where people meet to dance with each other.  A ballroom dance party is different from a dance club, just as a potluck supper is different from a restaurant.

At a dance party:

• You can go alone or as a couple or in a group.
• You can expect to socialize with the rest of the guests, and should not be offended when they approach you and invite you to dance.
• Often, you’ll develop friendships with the other dancers – a dance party is a great place to catch up with old friends who love to dance and make new ones!

At a dance club:

• Usually you go with a partner.
• You probably don’t know the other people in the room, and you are not expected to mingle with them. It is perfectly acceptable to interact exclusively with the person you came with, and nobody else.
• You may run into other dancers you know, but you’ll be spending most of your time with the person you came with.

Asking someone to dance

• It is perfectly OK for a woman to ask a man to dance.
• Unlike in the 1950s, it is impolite to “cut-in” during a dance — there’s plenty of music to go around!
• Don’t worry if you are a beginning dancer — everyone was a beginner when they started! If you’re a beginning dancer, it’s a good idea to let partners know where you are in your dance journey, so they know the appropriate level of complexity.   It’s fine to say I’m just starting to learn the Samba, and I’d love to practice, if that’s OK?  or I’m still a beginner. Go, dance, and have FUN.
• If someone asks you to dance, the best response is Yes.
• You may politely decline a dance if you are taking a break, if you don’t really know the dance that well, or have already agreed to dance with another person. In these cases, it is gracious — but not necessary — to add something like, Perhaps we can do the next Waltz/Tango/Lambada together?
• If you are taking a break, for the remainder of the song, you should say no to anyone else who asks you to dance (even if they are really, really cute). It is considered very rude to say Sorry, I’m taking a break, then take another partner.  This rule applies even if the person asking you to dance is a first-night beginner, is not as attractive as you are, or is not as polite as you are.

On the dance floor

• Look where you’re going (there’s a reason why you shouldn’t be looking at your feet!). If you accidentally bump into another couple, both couples should smile and apologize. (This is the “No-Fault” collision rule.)
• Unless your partner asks, do not volunteer to teach (even if you are an accredited professional dance instructor.) If you have asked a beginning dancer to dance, though, it’s completely acceptable to ask Would you like me to show you how to do the Basic Step?   Saying No, you stupid dummy, that’s not how you do it, it goes like this!  is not.
• If your partner is struggling to follow your lead, don’t just lead harder or bark commands at them. Reduce the complexity of the patterns you’re leading so that they can comfortably follow you – the goal of the dance is not to show what a splendid dancer you are, but to ensure your partner has a wonderful time.
• No aerials. This means that your feet and your partner’s feet stay within a few inches of the floor. There are several reasons for this:
  • If you accidentally drop your partner, you can really hurt them, and you will likely be liable for their medical expenses.
  • It’s way too easy to hit and injure other nearby dancers — especially on crowded dance floors. (People are not expecting to see a foot fly past them at eye-level!)
  • Even if you are a professional performance dancer with a spotless safety record, the 70-year-old beginner who tries to copy your moves will probably not be so fortunate. (I’ve seen this happen!)
• Remember that there are many styles of dances, and that the type of waltz/swing/tango that you learned in class is not the only valid form.
• Cleanliness. Hygiene. Wash your hands, brush your teeth, comb your hair. Snack on mints instead of the Garlic/Onion chips. Take it easy on the cologne and perfume. If you tend to perspire heavily, consider bringing a spare shirt to change into when the first one gets too moist. An “icky” dance partner is never a popular one.
• Dance with many different people — beginners as well as old-timers. You’ll have fiun, meet new people, and help grow our dance community!  It’s also generally OK to ask the DJs and dance instructors to dance.

• As in any other classroom, pay attention to the instructor, and keep noise and conversation to a minimum.
• Cooperate with the instructor. If they ask you to change partners (“rotate”), you should strongly consider it. You and your partner will learn much faster.
• Don’t be in a hurry to join an “Intermediate” or “Advanced” class. Keep taking “Beginners” classes until you are really, really comfortable with the beginning material. Many beginners assume that you just need to attend one “Beginners” class before joining an “Intermediate” class. (Big mistake.) Learning to dance is like learning a new language — you cannot learn all the “Beginner” material in just one lesson. Stay in the Beginning classes until you have mastered them.
• If you arrive late to class, do not expect the instructor to start over for you. It’s usually OK to ask them for a little help after class, though.
• Do not videotape a class unless you have received permission from the instructor.